A View of an Alternate World...
A Bit of Satire: A View of an Alternate World
Or "How would conservative Christians feel if..."
Enter an alternate world where the shoe is on the other foot for Christians. How would they feel? Imagine an alternate world where this is a news article:
Disclaimer: This article is written in the spirit of satire and should not be taken as an endorsement of discrimination against any people because of their religion. The author abhors any form of bigotry.
Congress to Vote on Anti-Christian Marriage Amendment
Congress is expected to vote on the controversial marriage amendment later this week as both conservative atheist family groups and Christian rights advocates engaged in frantic last-minute lobbying. Critics charge this amendment was proposed by President Bushwhack as a “wedge issue” to galvanize conservative anti-Christian voters. Christians represent a small minority of the country and are especially unpopular in the conservative atheist “red states”, the base of President Bushwhack’s support.
”Marriage is traditionally a secular institution, a commitment between two free-thinking minds. This institution is under attack by rogue cities and activist judges who seek to redefine marriage without the consent of the people.” President Bushwhack explained in a press conference, “The Christians break with our traditional ways by introducing religion into marriage. This amendment is much needed to protect this valued secular institution.”
The Amendment reads, “Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of two non-Christians.”
Christian rights advocates deplore the move by President Bushwhack as discriminatory.
”It's bad enough growing up Christian in this atheist dominated world,” said Sen. Theodore “Theo” Retical, the only openly Christian Senator and long-time advocate of Christian rights, “We need to work toward creating a more tolerant society. They just want us to get back in the closet so they can pretend we’re not here.”
“Closet” refers to the way many Christians hide their identity so as to avoid the social stigma associated with being a Christian.
“Our society is becoming increasingly tolerant but many young people today are still having trouble telling their parents that they're Christian.” explained Sen. Retical, “These youths are made to feel abnormal because they have faith. Their parents often feel like they’ve failed to raise them properly or else they blame the ‘liberal media’ for ‘glamorizing the Christian lifestyle’.”
Sen. Rick Sanitarium, a long time opponent of Christian rights, disagreed.
”It’s time to put an end to this mockery, these Christian so-called ‘marriages’. We must remember that being a Christian is a deviant lifestyle choice, one which many American voters find deeply objectionable.” said Sen. Sanitarium, “It's not like they’re born that way.”
When asked about recent discoveries that Christians have higher dopamine levels in their brains, indicating a possible genetic predisposition toward faith, Sanitarium rebuffed that suggestion saying, “There's no hard evidence to support such a ridiculous theory.”
Jan LaPew of the Confused Women for America denied the amendment violates anyone rights.
“Everyone has the right to marry any freethinker they choose.” said LaPew, “The Christians just want to change everything so they can have special rights but if we allow this counterfeit Christian marriage, all the freethinking marriages will be devalued.”
Added LaPew, “If the Christian lifestyle is legitimized today, tomorrow the government will be legitimizing acts of sectarian terrorism.”
James Dumbson of the conservative group, Focus on the Fascism, applauded the amendment. He has also been a longtime advocate of legally banning Christians from adopting, citing the need to protect our nations children from their corrupting influence.
There is also some talk of compromise. Sen. Karing from the state of Massachusetts, the only state to allow legal Christian marriage, suggested the idea of allowing Christian Civil Unions, thereby protecting marriage but still allowing Christians the same legal rights.
